A WORD FROM Dr Veronica…
Part of what I do as a marriage counselor is help spouses say the obvious. We are so familiar with our own thoughts that we forget our spouse doesn’t actually know them. Realities like “You’re my first priority,” or “I like being with you” often go unsaid and over time this erodes the emotional connection that leads to ease and safety in a relationship. When folks get frustrated because their spouse tries to “fix” them, the problem isn’t the desire to fix. The problem is that they forget to first say (the obvious): “I don’t like it when you are hurting!” These seemingly little, but hugely important, pieces of information get overlooked because, well, “Of course that’s true.” Saying the obvious can build and nurture our connection with our spouse. If you feel your spouse pulling away, try saying the obvious (e.g. I love you, I’m trying to do what’s best for our family, I want you to feel safe, I really value what you think) – it just might turn things around.
CAN’T SLEEP?
You can’t force sleep. The harder you try, the less you’ll get. You can set the stage to entice sleep to come to you. Here are some of the ways…
Preparing the Way
- Evaluate the stress in your life. What can be removed?
- Use your bedroom only for sleep, sickness, and sex.
- Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol 4-6 hours before bedtime.
- Avoid large meals right before bed.
- Remove clocks from your bedroom (or turn them away from you).
- Exercise (instead of nap) during the day.
- Get up and go to sleep at the same time each day.
Settling Down
Screens OFF an hour before bed
Drink warm milk before bed
Journal before bed
- Write down what’s on your mind. Brainstorm a few solutions before climbing into bed.
Calm your body
- Slow your breathing to four counts in, four counts out.
- Slowly tense and then relax different muscle groups (e.g. hands, biceps, chest, abs, etc.).
Get out of bed once you realize you’ve been tossing and turning
- Do something that slows down your brain (e.g. difficult crossword puzzles, read the bible, read a technical article). Return to bed once you start to feel drowsy.
Pray
- Consider it a gift of extra time to connect with the Creator of the universe!
We are here for you – call today to get on the schedule!
