Written by Marissa Halstead
You just got engaged! Congratulations! You are in love and will start planning the wedding soon. You and your fiancé might come from similar or completely different families. You both have desires for what your future will look like that you may not have discussed before. This example is one of the paramount reasons behind pre-marital therapy. There are MANY important conversations that couples need to have before getting married and a counselor knows what to ask you. In this blog, I am going to name the top three things that every couple should talk about before they are married.
Expectations
Expectations is a broad word, but I chose that for a reason. Every person goes into marriage with different expectations, often tailored around what we grew up with in our families of origin. Here are some questions that I often as in pre-marital counseling that have to do with expectations:
- Who is going to work and make money?
- Do you want kids and if so, how many?
- What are your personal and religious values? How important are they to you?
- How often do you expect to have sex?
- Who is going to do the chores? How will this be discussed and assigned?
There are many other questions surrounding expectations, but these five topics that I picked are what couples definitely need to discuss before saying “I do.”
Money
Before you get married, your soon-to-be spouse deserves to know your financial history and habits. Financial stress can be a huge strain on the marriage, so it is better to get this out in the open before you tie the knot. Do you have debt that your fiancé does not know about? How do you want your bills to get paid? Do you tend to like to save money or spend it? All of these are helpful things to know about yourself and about your partner before you get married.
In-Laws
One of the best things about marriage is belonging to another family, but this can often be one of the most stressful aspects too. It’s important for couples to communicate about the different challenges that come with new family ties. How will you spend the holidays? Do you have a sense of obligation to your parents that your fiancé does not know about? How will you shift your loyalty to your new spouse instead of your parents? It is wise to discuss how you and your partner will navigate tough conversations with both sets of parents so that you can be on a united front and that things can go as smoothly as possible. Getting married is such an exciting time! Marriage is a huge decision and that is what makes some of these conversations weighty – and also wildly interesting. Here at Envision Counseling Clinic, we have many counselors who offer pre-marital counseling. If you are engaged and want to invest into your marriage before it starts, reach out today!
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